Kill Your Darlings

In screenwriting, there’s a piece of advice that’s generally considered as necessary as it is brutal: “Kill your darlings”. Now, while films like Sophie’s Choice or The Killing of a Sacred Deer might have taken this a bit literally, the point is about making tough choices in the service of moving forward. It encourages writers to let go of things they hold dear - things they’ve spent a long time working on, and of which they’re incredibly proud - if they aren’t serving the story’s ultimate goals. 

But, of course, this principle can be applied to life as well. It’s a concept that profoundly affects our everyday existence. We accumulate habits, things, even people that we hold dear. We pour sweat and blood and time and energy into these things. They can become part of our identity, and the idea of losing them can feel like we’re losing a piece of ourselves. But these things may not serve us forever. Much like the Main Character in the story, we, too, should be growing, and with growth often comes change. Some of these things we’ve accumulated end up cluttering our narrative, muddying our focus, and diluting our efforts to progress in the ways we need. 

Imagine you’re working on a project that’s close to your heart. You’ve invested countless hours of passion into it but, as it evolves (and as you do, too) it’s clear that some of your favourite parts aren’t serving the larger goal that is your life’s path. These parts are beautiful and brilliant, but they don’t fit the project’s evolution. In fact, now they’re getting in the way of the project. You get that nagging feeling. Deep down you know what you probably need to do, but you know it’s going to be hard. You know it’s going to hurt because it does hurt. 

But though it feels painful in the moment, letting go is often a doorway to immense relief - the kind that makes room for growth and new opportunities you hadn’t imagined before. Just as we trim away elements in our work, sometimes we have to cut back elements in our relationships, routines, or expectations. 

Perhaps you need to end a long-term but stagnant relationship that stifles your growth, or leave a job that no longer challenges or rewards you, or give up on a dream home that you can no longer justify at this juncture. Each of these darlings claw at you from the inside out, tugging on something that screams at you to hold on. And why shouldn’t they? They’re laden with emotional attachment and memories. But you have to be strong and make room for what needs to come into your life, and there’s only one way to truly make room: You have to jettison something else. 

All that weight is
slowing you down.

“Kill your darlings” teaches us detachment and the importance of prioritizing our broader goals over immediate affections. Just as a writer must sometimes cut a beloved character to tighten the storyline, we may need to make hard choices about our possessions, associations, and even beliefs. It’s like pruning a tree: You have to strip away the old, dead wood so healthy new growth can flourish. 

I’m willing to bet you’re not the same person you were ten years ago. I’m also willing to bet that aspects of you have changed since then. Maybe a band that was seminal in your life back then - and even got you through some hard times - hasn’t made your playlist in a while. Maybe there are friends who you spent almost every day with for years, who now you haven’t spoken to in almost as long. 

Letting go of the parts of our lives that no longer serve us not only refines our personal narrative, but also frees us to explore new opportunities and embrace change - the only true constant in life. It can be gut-wrenchingly painful to abandon the familiar, but doing so opens doors to more relevant and fulfilling paths.

So, as you write the story of your life, remember the power of omission. Sometimes the best steps we can take aren’t about addition, but subtraction. Just like a well-edited script, a well-curated life focuses on the elements that matter most, enhancing the overall quality and direction of the story. 

So what’s cluttering your story right now? What ‘darling’ might you need to let go of to move forward? Sometimes we’re so used to hanging onto things that it’s hard to let go if we don’t have something else to grab onto immediately. You can’t take hold of something if your hands are full. So give them a break. Drop a few things and let those fingers relax. And when the next, better thing does come along, you’ll have somewhere to put it.